Breastfeeding: The Argument Against Perv Blaming and Breastfeeding

We see the images of Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian, Rihanna and other stars making the rounds on social media. Usually there's a lot of comments about how slutty they dress and how distasteful and disgusting they are for showing so much of their bodies in suggestive fashion to their audience. Invariably there will be the contingency of people who say that females should not be slut shamed because of how they choose to dress especially if they are of the age where they can make those decisions for themselves. I personally wouldn't want my daughters or females in my family to dress that way, but just because some women choose to dress a certain way does not automatically make them sluts nor does it make all females sluts by association. So there is a great deal of validity to the argument against the slut shaming of females.

There's another shaming or rather blaming going on with regards to breastfeeding. It seems like anytime the subject of breastfeeding comes up especially in the presence of others there's always a contingency of people who try to shame mothers into hiding using what I am going to call the perv blaming of males. We always hear about how mothers should cover up or nurse their babies elsewhere because pervs will get off on it or some perv might follow a mother home and sexually assault her or men will leave their wives or significant others for the mothers they see nursing their babies simply because they caught a glimpse of a woman's breast. People seem to have this idea that males will turn into uncontrollable horny beasts whenever they see a breast. When all else fails it's time to blame the shaming of mothers on every make being a pervert. Just like slut shaming is offensive to females, perv blaming when it comes to breastfeeding is offensive to men.

There are 3 reasons why as a male I personally find perv blaming extremely offensive.

The first reason why perv blaming is offensive is that males see women in provocative or revealing outfits on a regular basis and we manage to control ourselves. We can go to the mall, or park, or anywhere women are likely to be and there is likely to be at least one female with a low cut top or outfit that shows off a significant portion of her body. Somehow we manage to keep our libidos in check. We can go to the beach during the summer and see more breasts than we could possibly see from average breastfeeding mother. Guys manage to control themselves there as well. It is also interesting to note that nobody including those who use perv blaming to shame breastfeeding mothers seem to be too worried about playing the perv blaming card when it comes to the skimpy beachwear of the females who frequent the beach. Why not the same concern? Why label all men perverts only when it comes to trying to stipulate how a mother should feed her baby? There are no logical answers to those questions which means that people are only picking and choosing when to perv blame to suit their purposes which is to shame mothers into hiding when they go to feed their babies.

The second reason that perv blaming is offensive is because it is unfair to the many males who are respectful. How many times have we heard stories from mothers who say they have received more support and encouragement from men than they have from their fellow women? Very seldom do you hear stories where guys have exhibited creepy behavior or treated a breastfeeding mother horribly. Most decent guys will condemn that type of behavior. Most guys grew up with mothers like mine who did take the time to teach them a healthy respect for women. It isn't fair to respectful guys to take the few exceptions to the rule of respect and decency and hold them up as reasons why mothers should hide when feeding their babies. Using the guys who do exhibit less than stellar behavior towards breastfeeding mothers paints a negative picture of all males in the minds of new mothers who are breastfeeding and mothers to be who are planning to breastfeed. It can discourage them from feeding their babies around males and make their breastfeeding journeys more difficult because they have been led to believe that all makes are dirty minded perverts whose sole missions in life are to cop looks at the breasts of unsuspecting mothers. Why not take the majority of guys who do show respect and decency and use them as a examples to encourage mothers to nurse their babies wherever they are with comfort and ease? After all there are more of those guys out there than the guys people consider perverts.

The third and final reason why the perv blaming of males when it comes to breastfeeding is offensive is because not all males are pervs, and perverse and creepy behavior is not limited to breasts. While it is true that some men can be perverts and many men are attractive to the female body which includes breasts not all men take their attraction too far to where it becomes a problem sexually or a problem for women in general. It is also true that some men have breasts fetishes. But it is also true that some men have fetishes that involve just about every other part of the female anatomy. Some men have foot fetishes, some have hair fetishes, or hand fetishes etc..., but we don't tell women to cover up those areas of their bodies to prevent men with fetishes from fetishizing them. What's the difference? We've over sexualized breasts for one, but if a guy really has a sexual fetish involving other parts of the female body then wouldn't the exposure of those parts place women in just as much danger as people think they are when they breastfeed their babies? In most cases women will say if a guy has a fetish with another visible part of their bodies that's his problem and it won't stop them from wearing what they want and going where they please. So the argument that limits male perv shaming to breastfeeding is inconsistent, hypocritical, and illogical.

Guys are people too and sometimes it seems that people forget that we can be decent upstanding human beings too. It is not fair to shame the majority of breastfeeding mothers by blaming or accusing all males of being perverts when in fact perverts are the exceptions rather than the rule among males. If mothers choose to cover or breastfeed out of the presence of males because it makes them uncomfortable that's perfectly fine. What isn't fine is to expect all mothers to do so because people think they know how all men think and their perception of how we think is always negative. Most of us are decent when given the chance to be. Just like it would be unfair to label all females sluts and whores just because a few females may choose to dress or act in a highly provocative way, it isn't fair to take the less than ideal behavior of some males and use their behavior to define all males. Let the slut shaming and the perv blaming cease!

Breastfeeding: The Modesty Dilemma

   When I hear people say that they are all for breastfeeding but there's nothing wrong with a little modesty I'm reminded of the times I would visit the aquatic center pools at the physical education building in college. They were open to the families of students, faculty, and staff on the weekends. Being that it was in a university setting you would get an eclectic group of people out there. I remember there were several Muslim families that would visit quite regularly and the women would get into the pool wearing swimming attire that covered everything except their faces, hands, and feet. That was their definition and exhibition of modesty. There was a rule that no thong bikinis were allowed, but the spectrum of swimming attire out there included everything from what the Muslim ladies were wearing to the bikinis that other ladies were wearing that got about as close to being thongs as they could get without actually being thongs. Just about every style of swimwear between those extremes was represented. That's typically what you see when it comes to breastfeeding. You have mothers who feed their babies covered up and out of the way and you have those who just pull out a breast wherever they are and take care of business. You have mothers whose nursing styles fall somewhere between those two extremes. I don't mean extremes in a bad way I only use that word to show how opposite those styles are from each other.

   If you were to make the same statement about modesty with regards to swimwear as you would about breastfeeding my question would be the same for both, whose standard of modesty are we abiding by? Everyone at the pool was wearing what in their minds was modest for them and what they felt comfortable wearing just like every breastfeeding mother feeds her baby according to her standard of modesty and what's comfortable for her. That's why it's confusing when people make such a statement. Modesty is such a subjective term as we've heard hundreds of times before. If you gathered a hundred people together from all backgrounds and all walks of life and asked them what modesty looks like to them with regards to breastfeeding you could potential get a hundred different variations of modesty. How do you pick one that everyone can agree on or that will actually work for everyone? Which version is the right version? It is virtually impossible. The only workable solution is to allow people the freedom to choose what version works for them.

   Modesty is tricky when it comes to breastfeeding because even if a mother wanted to cover or be discreet about what she was doing her baby might not allow it. For people that have been exposed to breastfeeding all their lives like myself it can be as disturbing and uncomfortable to see a baby struggling and fighting under a cover as people claim it is for them if they should happen to see a nipple during a nursing session. When we demand a certain standard of modesty for every mother we can make feeding their babies exponentially more difficult then it has to be. I witnessed a mother trying to walk and nurse her baby and keep him covered while her husband looked at tools in the home improvement department in the store where I work. After struggling and becoming noticeably frustrated as she tried to keep her baby covered she threw in the towel and ended the nursing session altogether. She wasn't happy and judging by her baby's cries of discomfort he wasn't very happy either.

   So when people say they are all for breastfeeding but there's nothing wrong with a little modesty, they may actually be correct provided they could actually come up with one single standard of modesty that works for everyone. Since it is virtually impossible to find a version or standard that works for everyone then perhaps there is something wrong with saying there's nothing wrong with a little modesty: it's potentially different for everyone.

~Tom Miller

Children and Breastfeeding: 4 Common Myths For Why Children Shouldn't be Exposed to Breastfeeding

One of the most popular arguments against NIP is that children should not have to witness the act of breastfeeding. If you have followed any breastfeeding related page you will see the same arguments repeated over and over again. You will usually statements that sound like this "children will be traumatized by breastfeeding" or "I don't want to have to explain to my child what that woman is doing" or "I don't want my child to see some strange woman's breast while she is feeding her baby" or one of my favorites "maybe some parents want to wait to teach their children are older to teach them about sex". While these arguments may sound valid on the surface they are actually factually illogical. Having grown up one of the older kids in a large family where my mother breastfed all of us I can say for certain that all of these arguments for why children shouldn't be exposed to breastfeeding are illogical, invalid, and actually better arguments for why children need to be exposed to breastfeeding and the earlier the better.

Using my experience as the child of a mother who breastfed I will attempt to dispel what I have chosen as the four most common myths or arguments as to why children should not be exposed to breastfeeding.

Myth #1
Children will be traumatized by seeing a mother breastfeeding her baby.
This is one of the most popular arguments people use to discourage mothers from breastfeeding in the presence of children. It is also one of the most illogical arguments people can use to discourage mothers from breastfeeding in the presence of children. In order for a child to be traumatized by something they would have to have been taught that something about it was terribly wrong. Since children are still learning about the world and are still relatively innocent about most things it is highly doubtful that something as harmless as breastfeeding would traumatize them. I was in the room the night one of my siblings was born at home and because I didn't know very much about birth at that stage I had no reason to see it as anything other than a natural part of life. Had I been taught that it was supposed to be traumatic I may have had a different reaction. Since I hadn't been taught anything negative or scary about it it didn't faze me. Breastfeeding is no different. If it is introduced to a child as a normal part of life at a young age that's how they will view it and anytime they see it it will be as innocent to them as observing a puppy or a kitten drinking milk from their mothers. By contrast, if they are taught that it is dirty or wrong by the influential adult figures in their lives then they might be bothered by it, but it won't be the breastfeeding itself that is causing them to be traumatized, it will be how they are taught to view it.

Myth #2
Children don't need to see some woman's breast while she is nursing her baby.
Children are actually the perfect people to see a woman's breast while she is nursing her baby. Since children haven't been indoctrinated into society's sexual view of breasts, being exposed to them performing their primary function will allow them to see breasts for what they were designed to do before they learn anything else about them. Growing up with a breastfeeding mother meant that my siblings and myself were often in the presence of other breastfeeding mothers. My mother never demanded or insisted that those mothers hide what they were doing from us just as she didn't hide her breastfeeding from us when she did it. As a result it wasn't uncomfortable being in the presence of mothers breastfeeding even when they didn't do it discreetly throughout our childhood and even into adolescence.
Adults can be stuck in their ways about the way they view things and it's hard to change their opinions. Children on the other hand have the opportunity to start fresh and get it right so they need to be exposed to breastfeeding as often as possible. Maybe the over sexualized view of breasts can go away for future generations and it won't be so hard for mothers in the future to nurse their babies in public.

Myth #3
Breastfeeding is nudity and children shouldn't be exposed to nudity.
Because of the over sexualization of breasts in our society we typically think of them being exposed for any reason at all as inappropriate nudity. There are two things to consider when it comes to breastfeeding and nudity. First, non sexual nudity, which includes the act of exposing a breast to feed a baby, is not always inappropriate nudity. Nudity in and of itself is not always a bad thing. In the right context and situation it may actually be both healthy and necessary. Breasts were meant to feed babies so it would follow that it should be okay to expose a breast for that purpose. As mentioned above, we saw my mother and her friends nurse babies openly and at no time did we see it as inappropriate. Since we were permitted to see breasts while mothers were nursing their babies I never looked at breasts in the traditional way people view nudity. I never questioned whether it was wrong or not to see what we saw because it was a normal part of our everyday life. Had my mother and the other breastfeeding mothers I knew growing up hid what they were doing I would probably have the same mindset about breastfeeding that many in society do today.

Secondly, children don't view nudity the same way that we as adults do. If children are raised in homes where nudity is normal that's how they will view it until someone tells them something different. There are cultures where nudity is the norm and nobody ever thinks to see it as inappropriate because because that's what they do from the time they are born. It's as normal to them as wearing clothes is to us. Shame is a concept that is learned and taught by adults who typically link all nudity to sex. Since most children have very little sexual knowledge they don't see the body as sexual. Even primary sex organs at a young age don't mean the same thing to children as they do to adults. Unless someone teaches children that breasts are sexual and should be covered at all times they won't grow up viewing them that way.

Myth #4
Teaching children about breastfeeding means having to have the big talk with them about the birds and the bees.
I was about 9 years old when my parents called us into the dining room on a cold dreary day where we were stuck inside the house. They sat us down at the dining room table and began to nervously tell us the basics about the birds and the bees. They discussed the functions of the penis and the vagina in the process of reproduction. At no point during the discussion did I hear any reference made to breasts in relation to sex. I didn't learn that breasts could be sexual until I started going through puberty. It seems that many people think teaching a child about breastfeeding requires teaching them about sex. If you have to teach a child about sex to teach them about the primary function of breasts then you are pointing them in the wrong direction that most of society is currently traveling with the over sexualization of breasts. Teaching a child about breastfeeding requires the simplest of explanations. If you tell them a baby is eating the same as you would explaining a kitten or a puppy nursing that explanation will usually suffice. They may be curious about the actual process of how the baby is getting the milk, but even that doesn't require a complicated explanation. Teaching a child about breastfeeding can be as easy as we want it to be. If you are complicating it you are probably introducing too much unnecessary information that will only confuse them and begin the process of perpetuating the sexual stigma of breasts.
Children of all people need to be exposed to breastfeeding. Girls who see breastfeeding as they are growing up will become mothers who choose to breastfeed. Boys who see breastfeeding growing up will become supportive husbands and fathers to the breastfeeding women in their lives. Most importantly children will grow up understanding that breasts have a primary function that has nothing to do with sex. They will understand that breasts were designed primarily to feed babies and it won't be weird for future generations to see them performing that function at home or in public. It may be too late to change the minds of some adults and get them to accept and support breastfeeding and NIP, but if we can expose children to it as early and as often as possible we may be able to make things a little easier for breastfeeding mothers in the future.

~Tom Miller

Adam's Long Journey Earth Side

I finally did it. I recreated the timeline of my birth story, collecting information from several different places. Reminiscing the birth of Adam was so very important to me now, that I am pregnant with our second (and last) child.

My birth story begins with a long TTC journey. Eighteen months of trying. Eighteen months of hopes, disappointments, tears, and heartaches. Eighteen months of countless doctor appointments, tests, fertility drugs and treatments, ovulation test strips and negative pregnancy tests. After that eighteen months we finally decided to go ahead and try IUI. I felt incapable of conceiving on my own. I was broken. I needed doctors to artificially inseminate me, like a cow. Or so I thought. During my rest month before my IUI, I didn’t give TTC much thought. Just continued with my prenatal vitamins and excitedly looked forward to the next cycle. It promised magic. It never began.

On January 26, 2012 the impossible happened. A miracle... I was not expecting it. Like every month before, I decided I would pee on the stick, just so I could jump start my next cycle. I was anxious to begin the IUI treatment. It was an unfailing method that worked every single time. Whenever I took a pregnancy test, it would come back negative and within a couple of hours my period would start. So as I was watching to test, and the second line started to form very faintly, I began breathing faster and faster, while staring at the test with utter disbelief. Something was wrong with it. Was it broken? There has never been two lines before. My rapid breathing quickly turned into hyperventilating, tears of joy running down my face. Could it be? Was I imagining it? And as quickly as the excitement set in, so did the fear. Would everything be okay? What were my risks of miscarriage? An e-mail to my doctor was sent right away. “I think I just got a positive home pregnancy test. I can hardly believe it and I'm kind of in shock! I'm going to go to the lab first thing in the morning to get a test done there. Can I get a blood test too? If really positive, how can we ensure it will stick? It would be the worst thing if I had gotten pregnant and then later miscarried. I am so excited!”. My due date was estimated to be October first, 2012.

My pregnancy was not the most difficult one. I struggled with severe vomiting in the first trimester and half of the second. I lost twenty pounds before I started gaining any weight back. I was at risk of premature labor.

On the evening of September 12, my Braxton Hicks contractions became significantly uncomfortable. I struggled to fall asleep. When I woke up in the morning, they were still there, but only about seven minutes apart. I went to work. Contractions continued throughout the day, but didn’t bother me. Only when I slowed down throughout my busy day did I really notice them. Two days later the contractions became stronger, more noticeable. I called Labor and Delivery, they had me come in for evaluation. It was September 14, 2012. I was contracting Regularly, every two to three minutes, dilated to a whole one centimeter. After a few hours of observation, the doctors decided that I need to labor at home and predicted I’d be having this baby by the end of that weekend. I was allowed to go home and sleep in my own bed. The doctors wouldn’t stop the labor at that point, since I was considered full term.

September 16, 2012. Sunday. Officially diagnosed with prolonged latent labor. Steady contractions happening every two to three minutes with very little to none cervical changes. Oh what joy.

September 20, 2012. Thursday. I begin experiencing more and more discomfort. Still no changes to the cervix. Still contracting on regular basis.

September 21, 2012. Friday. I signed off from my work computer for the last time in sixteen weeks. Doctors didn’t want me going in to work anymore. I could deliver any day now. Still contracting steadily every two to three minutes.

September 27, 2012. Thursday. Doctor appointment brings me to tears. While I continue to have the contractions, cervix has only dilated half a centimeter more. I feel like I am never going to see the delivery day, while I continue being thankful for extra utero time for my little man.

September 30, 2012. Sunday. I venture out on a hike with friends. This baby is sure going to come out now, right? Nope...

October 1, 2012. Monday. It’s officially my due date. At this point I am ready to do anything to get this labor going, the contractions are not letting up.

October 2, 2012. Tuesday. Bitter sweet doctor appointment. My little man is engaged in the birth canal, steady heartbeat, passed NST with flying colors. No progress with cervix, membrane sweep done, induction scheduled for October 15. I pray I don’t go that long, I am ready for those contractions to finally become more productive...

October 6, 2012. Feeling like I couldn't possibly get any bigger.

October 13, 2012. Saturday. Visiting a haunted corn maze. I was hoping that maybe I could manage to scare that baby out of me. No such luck. I am exhausted at this point. Sleep has been continually disrupted by the constant contractions, yet I am so used to them now, they don’t even hurt anymore. They just feel uncomfortable. I am so so so so ready to get a move on.

October 15, 2012. Monday.

The day is finally here. I cannot wait to finally meet my little man. I am anxious to start the induction process. I am in disbelief that I still need to be induced after nearly five weeks of steady contractions. We leave home ten after midnight and head for the hospital.

12:30 am

checked into the hospital, getting to tour my very own private birthing room. One last bump picture taken. My husband and I are left to hang out on our own while the doctor gets around to seeing us

The very last bump picture.

1:45 am

My cervix is checked and I find that I am dilated to a whole three centimeters. I ask if we still need to induce, or if I could wait, since there is some progress at last. Doctor still suggests Pitocin, because my contractions, though still regular, continue to be a bit unproductive (it took almost five weeks to get me to progress two centimeters after all). The Pitocin drip begins.

At some point now I doze off for a short while. Not much more for me to do, is there? I go in and out of sleep.

5:20 am

I feel very awake. The contractions increase in intensity, but still bearable. No cervical progress. Doctor ups the Pitocin. The next few hours is a blur of contractions, cat naps, hallway walks.

10:30 am

Four centimeters dilated. Continuing walking up and down the hallway. I feel pain. Pain I’ve never felt before. But I can still walk. Something feels weird between my legs and as I am walking the hallways, holding on to my husband for support while pushing the IV stand with another hand, I stop, look down. There is a snail trail of gross, bloody cervical mucous hanging down to about my knees. Must be the longest mucous plug the world has ever seen. I briefly consider having the nurse measure it, could be a Guinness record. Instead I ask if I could labor in water for a bit. Pitocin is starting to really cause some serious pain.

11:25 am

I get into the birthing pool. Contractions have picked up in intensity, and I feel like all the birthing classes I took are not even remotely close to truly describing the pain of labor. I am feeling angry. Why does it have to hurt so much and why is my husband not doubled over in pain. I want to kick him in the balls, just so I am not the only person suffering. Misery loves company. What a true cliché. I realize, however, that having him in pain isn’t going to be any help to me. Men can’t handle pain... The water feels good. My contractions last 90 seconds, and begin in 120 second intervals. I cry silently as I breathe through them. Time is going by incredibly slow.

12:55 pm

I can’t stand the water any longer. I feel sticky from it. I want to drown myself. The pain is more than I can handle. I wish I was a screamer. I sure could use a good yell right now. I get out of the water and get checked. Still four centimeters. Anger and defeat run through me again. I want to walk back to my room.

In my room I try the birthing ball, the matt, the rope. The pain in my back is insane. I cry with every contraction. I can no longer breathe through them. 30 seconds between contractions is not enough time for me to catch a breath. I thought I had a high pain tolerance. I beg the midwife to check my cervix again as I hope it’s time to push. She won’t budge. I curse silently. I beg for drugs. Best ones they have. Something that will knock me out for days. General anesthesia would be perfect. Medically induced coma? Yes, please! Husband dares to remind me I told him that he was not to allow me to get epidural no matter what I said. How dare he bring something like this up? Clearly I was in no state to make such decision then. I want my drugs. And I want them now.

2:10pm

The anesthesiologist finally hooks me up to the epidural drip. The instant it is in I begin to regret it. I wanted as natural labor as possible, and here I am. The relief from pain is the most amazing thing, however, and my regrets quickly dissolve. The midwife checks my cervix. I am seven centimeter dilated. No longer it hurt so bad. My vagina almost doubled in size in less than 90 minutes. I have no desire to think no more. I drift off to sleep.

5:10pm

I wake up, feeling in much better spirits. I can still feel my contractions, but the intensity is comparable to the ones of my prolonged latent labor phase. I don’t bother pushing the epidural button again. Midwife comes in to check my progress. I made it to nine centimeters and at 5:22pm the doctor breaks my waters. I drift off to sleep again.

8:00pm

I wake up again. I am uncomfortable. A little bit after 8pm the nurse came in to ask how I was feeling. I was lost for words trying to explain the very uncomfortable and slightly painful (despite the epidural) pressure "down there". She looked under the cover to check on how I was doing and there was the head! The time to push was announced and I got cold feet right then. Broke down in tears, saying I wasn't ready. It didn't matter, though, because at that point my little man was finally ready and with just three pushes he came out, on October 15th, 2012. 8:21pm. We named him Adam Grady.

Welcome to the world, little man.

Now, I asked my mom many times about the feelings a woman experiences when she sees and hears her child for the first time. She was never able to explain. Neither am I. The feeling is not comparable to anything else. One thing is certain though. That very moment I understood exactly what my mom couldn't explain. He was the only "thing" in the whole entire world that mattered that moment. He aspirated some of the amniotic fluid on his way out and was quickly whisked away from me to have his airways cleared. I couldn't get my eyes off of him the entire time (during which, apparently, I delivered my placenta, got cleaned up and stitched up). I kept praying to God that Adam would be okay and start breathing normally and not have to be taken away from me. My prayers have been answered and he finally coughed and started breathing right. I realized I was crying. My 8 pounds 9 ounces of love. 21 inches of his perfect little body. He was placed on my chest again. I have never felt love this strong. I counted all his finger and toes. He seemed to be looking deep into my eyes. His tiny warm body against mine. His little heart beating against my chest. At that moment I understood why I have been brought into this world. It was for him. I was his just like he was mine. I caressed his teeny arms while he suckled, and I felt complete. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could make me happier, and the memories of that day will never fade. My little miracle boy is here.

The moments I realized what love at first sight really means.

I really would like to acknowledge the amazing support I received from Michael during the whole process. Holding my hand through walks of the hallways, rubbing my back through the most intense contractions, cutting the umbilical cord, and not being ashamed of shedding a tear  (or two) when our son was born. Thank you, Michael, for being my rock.

If you'd like to learn more about the Mars family, hop on over to Anna's blog.

The Tabooed Nipple

This is from our admin Tom. We sure do love having a male perspective on these things.


I write this one morning several weeks ago as a response to people who, despite living in a world where we are constantly bombarded with images of negativity that include violence, intolerance, hatred, terrorism etc..., act like seeing a nipple when a mother is breastfeeding is the worst thing they could possibly see. This is by no means intended to offend people who believe in being modest or being discreet. Even despite the best efforts to achieve those things a brief sighting still happens from time to time. This is for those who choose to let it destroy their day.

The Tabooed Nipple

Why are nipples so taboo,
and why are they a threat to you?

What will happen if you see,
those tiny bits of nubbery?

Will your eyes fall from your head, and can a glimpse just drop you dead?

Won't you somehow make it through, if by chance one peeks at you?

I've never known a tragedy,
of one who's glimpsed the nubbery.

I've seen them from my boyhood days, and never suffered from the gaze.

They're just two fleshy nubs of skin, to look on them is not a sin.

All humans have them yes we do, so why are female's so taboo?

While nursing babies they may show, instead of fuming let it go!

We overplay the nipple slip,
I think it's time we got a grip!

I think it's time society,
addressed this dumb mentality.

I think it's time we laid to rest,
the tabooed nipple and the breast!

Self Weaning Under 12 Months?

From Kelly Mom

Introduction

True SELF-weaning before a baby is a year old is very uncommon. In fact, it is unusual for a baby to wean before 18-24 months unless mom is encouraging weaning. However, it is verycommon to hear a mother say that her baby self-weaned at 9 or 10 months old, or even earlier. How do we reconcile these statements?

What is self-weaning?

A baby who is weaning on his own:

§  is typically well over a year old (more commonly over 2 years)

§  is at the point where he gets most of his nutrition from solids

§  drinks well from a cup

§  cuts down on nursing gradually

Child-led weaning occurs when a child no longer has a need to nurse – nutritionally or emotionally. The solids part should rule out self-weaning in babies under a year since, for optimum health and brain development, babies under a year should be getting most of their nutrition from breastmilk.

What factors might lead mom to think that her baby is self-weaning?

When a mother says that her baby self-weaned before a year, there is a chance that she interpreted a normal developmental stage (perhaps combined with her own wishes) as baby’s wish to wean. Low milk supply can also play a part.

Low milk supply

If mom’s milk supply is reduced, baby may become less interested in nursing, and of course decreased nursing will lead to an even lower milk supply. If milk supply is low, baby may grow to prefer a cup or bottle simply because he can get more milk this way. As long as baby is nursing on cue and removing milk thoroughly, mom’s breasts will produce the milk that baby needs. There are a number of things that might interfere with the milk production process after lactation has been established. Some factors that commonly come into play in baby’s second six months include:

§  Scheduled feedings or other things that reduce baby’s nursing frequency too much (for example, pacifier overuse or sleep training). The answer to “how much is too much?” will depend on the particular mother-baby pair. A consistent decrease in nursing frequency will signal your body to decrease milk supply.

§  Rapid weight loss. A sudden decrease in mom’s calorie intake can result in decreased milk supply.

§  Medications or herbs that reduce milk supply (hormonal contraceptives, for example).

§  Early introduction of solids (before 6 months). Besides interfering with baby’s immunologic health, solids before six months often results in baby taking less milk at the breast and thus results in a decrease in milk supply.

§  Overly rapid increase in the amounts of solids. Again, this results in baby taking too little milk at the breast and thus a decreased milk supply. Keep in mind that mom’s milk supply will naturally and gradually decrease as baby begins to eat greater quantities of solid foods – this is fine and expected. What you want to avoid is increasing solids/decreasing milk supply too quickly, as breastmilk is what baby needs for proper growth, health and brain development through the first year and beyond.

For more on milk supply, including how to increase it, see Got Milk?

Normal developmental stages

It is common and normal for babies to show less interest in breastfeeding sometime during the second six months. This is developmental and not an indication that baby wishes to stop nursing.

Older babies tend to be distractible and want to be a part of all the action around them. Your baby may be more interested in learning about the world than in eating during the day (these same babies often increase their night nursing to make up for their busy days).
If baby is being given a bottle or sippy cup frequently, he discovers that he can walk/crawl around with it and not miss a thing, whereas nursing generally requires sitting still and not looking around for a few minutes. For this reason, some babies develop a preference for the bottle or cup at this developmental stage.

Milestone times, such as crawling and walking, and stressful times like teething or illness can also cause baby to be less interested in nursing – these types of things are common in the second six months. Nursing strikes (when baby quits nursing suddenly) also tend to be more common around this age, perhaps due to the same factors.

Our society tends to produce the expectation that babies can and should become independent as quickly as possible. Babies are considered more independent when they sleep alone, sleep through the night, potty train, wean, etc., As a result, babies are often pushed toward these milestones before they are ready – emotionally or physically. Because of this societal mindset, many moms don’t even consider the idea that baby’s disinterest in breastfeeding might be temporary, but simply go ahead and wean.

This is not saying that a mother’s choice to wean a baby this age is necessarily a bad choice for her family. A mother who wishes to wean her child at this point can certainly take advantage of baby’s temporary disinterest in nursing to initiate mother-led weaning.

However, it should understand that this is not self-weaning but a temporary developmental stage. Mom is making the choice, not baby. Once mom knows that she has a choice in the matter, she can better make an informed decision of whether to wean or to seek the benefits of continued nursing.

Tips for avoiding premature weaning

The following suggestions can be helpful in preventing baby from weaning prematurely:

Keep breastmilk primary in baby’s diet during the first year

§  If you feel that your milk supply is low, take measures to increase it.

§  Offer breastmilk first, before any solids, through at least the first year. Don’t let solids become more important than breastmilk during the first year.

§  Increase solid foods gradually. An example of a gradual increase in solids would be 25% solids at 12 months, 50% solids at 18 months, and 80% solids at 24 months.

§  Sugared drinks (and juice, too) are “empty calories” and will keep baby from feeling really hungry – limit or eliminate these. Water can also fill baby up and decrease nursing frequency. Click here for suggestions on offering water and juice.

Minimize the risk of baby developing a preference for the bottle or cup

§  Limit (or eliminate) bottles. If baby must be supplemented due to separation from mom, then only use bottles when you are physically separated from baby. Use a newborn-flow nipple, no matter how old your baby is, to reduce the risk that baby will grow to prefer the fast flow of a bottle. If baby is older than six months, seriously consider using a cup rather than a bottle.

§  Limit or eliminate pacifier use when you are with baby, so that your baby’s desire to suck encourages him to nurse more often.

§  Avoid allowing baby to walk around with bottles or sippy cups.

If baby is very busy and doesn’t want to stop and nurse

§  Try different and novel nursing positions in which he can have more control and perhaps see what’s going on around him – baby standing up, sitting on your lap facing you, etc.

§  Try singing, talking, telling stories, playing finger games, reading, etc. while nursing.

§  Try wearing a nursing necklace or bright colored scarf to help hold baby’s attention when nursing.

§  Give baby a small toy to hold and play with when nursing.

Be aware of your own subtle cues that encourage weaning

§  Offer baby the breast often; don’t wait until he “demands” to nurse. Be aware that the “don’t offer – don’t refuse” method of breastfeeding is a weaning technique.

§  Be available to nurse when baby wants to. Saying “not now, but later” is certainly part of the natural give and take of a nursing relationship as your child gets older, but don’t overuse it and don’t forget the “later” part – offer to nurse later, rather than waiting for baby to ask.

§  Diversion/distraction by mom is a weaning technique, particularly if used frequently.

§  Avoid limiting times or places for nursing. This is another weaning technique.

§  Allow baby to nurse at night if he wishes. Baby will nurse more often if he is in your room and/or bed, and many families get more sleep this way.

§  If you feel you need to phase out night nursing before baby does it on his own, then it may be helpful to make a conscious effort to increase daytime nursing.

§  Keep in close contact – carry and hold your child often. This will make breastfeeding more accessible to baby. Restricting access to nursing is a weaning technique.

Be aware of normal developmental stages

§  Pay attention to your child’s natural growth rhythms. Be aware of times that are not true weanings.

Medication While Breastfeeding

From Kelly Mom

Breastfeeding Risks:

All medications are broken down into 5 levels of safety for use while breastfeeding.

L1

SAFEST: Drug which has been taken by a large number of breastfeeding mothers without any observed increase in adverse effects in the infant. Controlled studies in breastfeeding women fail to demonstrate a risk to the infant and the possibility of harm to the breastfeeding infant is remote; or the product is not orally bioavailable in an infant.

L2

SAFER: Drug which has been studied in a limited number of breastfeeding women without an increase in adverse effects in the infant; And/or, the evidence of a demonstrated risk which is likely to follow use of this medication in a breastfeeding woman is remote.

L3

MODERATELY SAFE: There are no controlled studies in breastfeeding women, however the risk of untoward effects to a breastfed infant is possible; or, controlled studies show only minimal non-threatening adverse effects. Drugs should be given only if the potential benefit justifies the potential risk to the infant.

L4

POSSIBLY HAZARDOUS: There is positive evidence of risk to a breastfed infant or to breastmilk production, but the benefits of use in breastfeeding mothers may be acceptable despite the risk to the infant (e.g. if the drug is needed in a life-threatening situation or for a serious disease for which safer drugs cannot be used or are ineffective).

L5

CONTRAINDICATED: Studies in breastfeeding mothers have demonstrated that there is significant and documented risk to the infant based on human experience, or it is a medication that has a high risk of causing significant damage to an infant. The risk of using the drug in breastfeeding women clearly outweighs any possible benefit from breastfeeding. The drug is contraindicated in women who are breastfeeding an infant.

Help Lines and Websites:

You can look up the safety of a medication and it's effects on lactation and the breastfed infant at LacMed Search.

Breastfeeding and Human Lactation Study Center, based in NY, USA, maintains a database that is provides free information to physicians and lactation consultants on uses of medication and their effects during breastfeeding. You can visit their website here.

Motherisk, based out of Ontario, Canada, has evidence-based information about the safety of drugs, chemicals, and diseases while pregnant and breastfeeding. You can call, 416-813-6780) or visit their website.

Drugline, based out of Paisley, Scotland, is a call line that provides information on prescription drugs while breastfeeding. Their website can be found here.

Kelly Mom also has lots of information about various types of drugs, for both during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Including this list that breaks down the common concerns.

Most WIC offices also carry a book that contains medications and their risk level. Just contact your local office and ask to speak with their breastfeeding peer counselor.

Safe Prescriptions:

For quick reference, all medications listed below are L1 or L2.

*These are their trade names, if you are unsure if your medication goes by another name you can type it into Google and search for “Trade name” to find out.

Pain Relievers: Tylenol, Advil, Nuprin, Motrin, Pediaaprofin, Rheumox, Toradol, Acular, Feldene, Sublimaze, Darvocet N, Propacet, and Darvon. Demerol is L2 unless used early postpartum then it is a L3.

Anesthetics: Fluothane and Xylocaine

GI Meds: Motilum, Propulsid, and Tagamet

Antibiotics: Larotid, Amoxil, Azactam, Ultracef, Duricef, Ancef, Kefzol, Claforan, Mefoxin, Cefzil, Ceftazidime, Fortax, Taxidime, Rocephin, Garamycin, Kebecil, Kantrex, Macrobid, Floxin, Penicillin, Gantrisin, Azo- Gantrisin, Achromycin, Sumycin, Terramycin, Ticarcillin, Ticar, and Timentin.

E-Mycin, Ery-tab, ERYC, and Ilosone are all L1 unless taken early postnatal then they are L3.

Anticoagulants: Coumadin and Panwarfin

Anticonvulsants: Tegretol, Epitol, Epsom Salt, Dilantin, Depakene, and Depakote

Antifungals: Diflucan, Nizoral Shampoo, and Nizoral

Antihistamines: Allegra, Claritin, Actidil, and Actifed

Antivirals: Zovirax, Alferon N, and Interferon Alpha

Asthma Meds: Bricanyl and Brethine

Birth Control: Enovid

Provera, Depo-Provera, Cycrin are all L1 unless used in the first 3 days postpartum then they are L4.

Diarrhea Meds: Imodium, Pepto Diarrhea Control, Maalox Antidiarrhea Caplets, Kaopectate II Caplets, and Immodium Advanced

** Note: Pepto-Bismol & Kaopectate (bismuth subsalicylate is the active ingredient in both) are not recommended for routine use by nursing moms, due to the association of salicylates with Reyes syndrome in children 

Diuretics: Dazamide, Diamox and Aldactone 

Galactagogues (milk supply): Motilum

Heart, Blood Pressure Meds-

Antiarrhythmics: Norpace, Napamide, Mexitil, Quinaglute, and Quinidex

Antihypertensives: Vastoec, Apresoline, Trandate, Normodyne, Aldomet, Adalat, Procardia, Inderol, Blocadren, Calan, Isoptin, and Covera-HS.

Loniten, Mindodyl, and Rogaine are L2 when used topically. If taken orally they are L3.

Cardiac Stimulants: Lanoxin and Lanoxicaps 

Laxatives: Epsom salt

Malaria Meds: Plaquenil and Quinamm 

Medical Testing: Isopaque, Amipaque, Telepaque, and Omnipaque.

Gadopentetic (Gadolinium), generic name, is also a L2.

Steroids: Solu-Medrol, Depo-Medrol, Medrol, Deltasone, Meticorten, and Orasone.

Prednisolone, generic name, is also a L2.

Thyroid Meds: PTU, Synthroid, Levothroid, Thyroid, Levo-T, and Levoxyl 

Tuberculosis Meds: Ethambutol, Rifadin, and Rimactane 

Vitamins: B-12, Folic Acid, K-1, and Riboflavin/B-2.

B-6 is an L2, unless taken in high doses, which may inhibit lactation, and then it is a L4.

Miscellaneous: Zyloprim, Lopurin, Rheumox, Lioresal, Atrofen, Vivarin, NoDoz, Plaquenil, Mestinon, and Regonol

Tips For Low Milk Supply

Lactation Cookies
allrecipes.com
food.com

Herbal Supplements

Fenugreek
Blessed Thistle
Red Clover
Alfalfa
Brewer’s Yeast
Flaxseed
More Milk Tea/Plus
Steel Cut or Rolled Oats (not the instant kind)
Motherlove More Milk Special Blend (can be purschased from Amazon or most health food stores)
Marshmallow Roots (works even better when combined with Fenugreek)
Chia Seeds (although will not directly increase your supply, it helps you stay hydrated)

Tips/Pointers
Drink plenty of water each day to stay hydrated
Do not use pump as an indicator of supply issues, as long as baby is acting normal and has enough wet diapers, your supply is okay
massage breast before and during pumping to help production
Keep a picture of your little one close by while pumping to help trigger let downs
Milk is made on a supply and demand basis, try to nurse baby often and pump as much as possible.
Throw in a few power pumping sessions each day. Pump every 30-60 minutes several times a day and try to do this a couple times a week.
Do not supplement until you have exhausted all options, supplementing can be extremely detrimental to your supply.

*If you must supplement, use a SNS so that baby still recieves needed milk and you continue to get the stimulaition needed to help your supply. If you are unable to purchase a SNS you can make one by following the directions on this video. This video also shows how to nurse while using a SNS.

*Also, please consider using donor milk instead of formula to supplement so that baby is still recieveing all the benefits of breastmilk. Check out our note about donating breastmilk to find out more information and where to recieve milk.

Helpful Websites

Kelly Mom

Baby Center

La Leche League
MOBI Motherhood International

Just Mommies